Long term effects of being "society's nice"
Working with Go Girl I get the opportunity to meet a lot of really interesting people that like to share their story with me. It's as if they receive some kind of permission to open up about their personal accomplishment of how they've empowered themselves or their search for empowerment. Kinda like someone turned on the light and opened the door to find their voice. Either way I always walk away completely inspired by their story and willingness for the Go Girl story to touch their lives.
This past Sunday was a great example. I met a woman getting ready to turn 50 that was desperately still searching for her voice of confidence. She confessed to me that she felt like a doormat. She was someone that was always nice. Even nice to the people she didn't like, people that were mean to her. She openly discussed how as a child she was raised with a sister and three brothers under a father who was in the military and a mother that cooked, cleaned and kept her mouth shut. Her brothers were sent college and the girls were encouraged to take extra home ec classes in high school. She was taught to never question authority and do as she was told. She should never let anyone see her cry and be "society's nice".
She confessed further that she felt lost. She approached her parents with the idea that she wanted to go to the local community college and they asked "why would you want to do that honey?" With her lack of parental support and gudiance, she struggled for many years. Never felt the urge to have children and lacked direction for her life. She attended self help classes, read many books and yet still felt like a doormat.
I shared with her my career and some of the risks I've taken in life, including once making a decision whether to move to Atlanta or New York by the flip of a quarter (I ended up in Atlanta). She clung to every story and spoke outloud how she wished she could be such a risk-taker. I encouraged her to learn to use the word "NO" to help with the doormat feeling and that sometimes failure can be the best option because you can learn more from failure than you do success (Lord knows I have). By the end of our conversation it was clear to me what the long term effects can be when trying to conform to "society's nice". These women end up confused, misdirected and unconfident of who and what they are to become.
So to all the ladies out there that feel like doormats - stand up, speak out and don't be afraid to fail or have someone not like you. You cannot please everyone in this world and not everyone is going to like you no matter what you do. People that appear mean or bullies are maybe just having a bad day and you are not the reason for their meanness. You count and can make a difference, follow your dreams. To the ladies out there that are strong - encourage others to be strong, offer a smile and lend encouraging words of empowerment to others. Try and talk less and listen more, afterall all we really want is for someone to hear us and validate our ideas.
So to my new friend in Western Maryland - take a risk and flip a quarter. You just might surprise yourself!
Cheers!
This past Sunday was a great example. I met a woman getting ready to turn 50 that was desperately still searching for her voice of confidence. She confessed to me that she felt like a doormat. She was someone that was always nice. Even nice to the people she didn't like, people that were mean to her. She openly discussed how as a child she was raised with a sister and three brothers under a father who was in the military and a mother that cooked, cleaned and kept her mouth shut. Her brothers were sent college and the girls were encouraged to take extra home ec classes in high school. She was taught to never question authority and do as she was told. She should never let anyone see her cry and be "society's nice".
She confessed further that she felt lost. She approached her parents with the idea that she wanted to go to the local community college and they asked "why would you want to do that honey?" With her lack of parental support and gudiance, she struggled for many years. Never felt the urge to have children and lacked direction for her life. She attended self help classes, read many books and yet still felt like a doormat.
I shared with her my career and some of the risks I've taken in life, including once making a decision whether to move to Atlanta or New York by the flip of a quarter (I ended up in Atlanta). She clung to every story and spoke outloud how she wished she could be such a risk-taker. I encouraged her to learn to use the word "NO" to help with the doormat feeling and that sometimes failure can be the best option because you can learn more from failure than you do success (Lord knows I have). By the end of our conversation it was clear to me what the long term effects can be when trying to conform to "society's nice". These women end up confused, misdirected and unconfident of who and what they are to become.
So to all the ladies out there that feel like doormats - stand up, speak out and don't be afraid to fail or have someone not like you. You cannot please everyone in this world and not everyone is going to like you no matter what you do. People that appear mean or bullies are maybe just having a bad day and you are not the reason for their meanness. You count and can make a difference, follow your dreams. To the ladies out there that are strong - encourage others to be strong, offer a smile and lend encouraging words of empowerment to others. Try and talk less and listen more, afterall all we really want is for someone to hear us and validate our ideas.
So to my new friend in Western Maryland - take a risk and flip a quarter. You just might surprise yourself!
Cheers!
posted by Head Redhead at 2:06 PM
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