How would you want to be remembered?

As we remembered the ones we loved and have lost yesterday with Memorial Day, I thought it only appropriate to consider how we would want to be remembered today. If life were to leave us in an instance, how would you want the world to remember you? What legacy would you leave behind? What contributions to your community or family would have made a difference?

Leave us a comment on the difference you'’ve made in this world. If you are finding yourself short on ideas on your contributions, what would you do to impact our world and why haven'’t you?

A day to remember

On this Memorial Day, May 29, 2006, it is a time of reflection, a time of remembrance. To remember the people that fought for our great country and died, love ones that have perished and the generations that came before us. And while their memories are important and many opportunities lie around our country today to celebrate them, I thought it might be a better time to reflect on those living and how short our time is.

I once saw Dr. Phil speak at a convention and while I wasn’t overly impressed with him I did walk away with something he said I will never forget. “Those of us that carry anger are like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. I remember thinking how true that statement is. How many times I had been angry with someone in my lifetime, so angry that it haunted me, embraced my every move that eventually it paralyzed me. How people have carried hatred for each other, spending every penny on war or court battles only for someone to eventually to be crowned the winner. That even the “winners” had suffered. Whether it is war, divorce, family differences or simple misunderstandings, anger crept in and hardens us as individuals. It truly is like drinking poison and feeling so certain that the other person will die but instead the poison takes over and eventually it is you that loses.

After listening to Dr. Phil’s words I decided next time I was angry, really angry, I would stop and break down the situation. Really look into the core of why I was so angry, after all I knew my anger wasn’t going to produce anything positive. And I what I found amazed me. My anger was simply covering up my feelings of being hurt, those feelings of pain you hate admitting. The dark ones you hide in your closet. And through my identification of feelings and dealing with them I found I wasn’t angry anymore. I had somehow released the pain and allowed myself to move on, in turn, releasing my anger.

Life is short. It can be ripped from us in an instance, gone without a good-bye. Spending our time being angry is wasteful. The poison we drink will not kill the other person, simply destroy us. And when the time finally arrives that our anger subsides, perhaps it will be too late. We will have lost our chance for forgiveness.

So as we celebrate Memorial Day and remember our loved ones, let us also remember the ones that are still here. Put aside the anger, release your hurt feelings and learn to forgive. Perhaps if we do it will make today and our remaining days left a little brighter.

Friday May 26, 2006 Rant & Rave

Happy Friday! A perfect day to review the most current Rants and Raves!



RAVES to the HASBRO COMPANY!

I am ultra HAPPY to report that the shelves will NOT be lined with Pussycat dolls this Christmas after all. (Thank God) It was reported today that the Hasbro company will scrap the idea after parents and Joe Kelly, president of Dads & Daughters, organized a letter-writing campaign to get the toy company to cancel the doll line claiming the product line was "inappropriate" due to their risque lyrics, skimpy outfits and sexual undertone.

Sidenote: It makes me sick to see that even toy companies think by cashing in on the trend of oversexing our daughters that they can bring up their profit margin. Where did our morals go as a society? Cheers to the parents & Joe Kelly for standing up for what's right.



RANTS to the BRATZ!

Unfortunately the Bratz doll collection will still be available this Christmas.
Is it me, or does it appear these dolls aren't too far off from the Pussycat Dolls? Sorta like a younger version of them.

My mother was right! Who would of thought?

(Prom 1990 - the girls and I swore we'd also be close)

My mother always told me that if I could count my friends on one hand I’d be a lucky girl. That friends would come and go in life. Of course in high school I thought she was crazy. My friends and I swore we would always be tight. Years later, Jenny stop talking to Kelley, Tanya married the guy we all hated, Shannon moved to Atlanta, I stopped talking to Jenny and lost touch with Kelley, Tanya and Shannon. We all had kids, some of us got divorced, made careers and some became stay-at-home Moms. I guess Mom was right after all. My best friends from high school aren’t even on my Xmas card list anymore and god knows my sorority sisters from college aren’t either.

I guess the truth is I grew up. I changed. My life didn’t end at 17 and the girls I swore I wouldn’t ever lose touch with became distant memories of the big hair, heavy metal days of the late 80’s – early 90’s.

I have on the other hand made some great friends from over the years, girls that I even went to high school with and didn’t become friends with til afterwards. Monica, my best girlfriend who graduated a year after me is probably my closest friend. She is the godmother to my children, my Dixie Chick cohort, and the kind of friend you can call at 6am and cry your eyes out to. The friend that you love going shopping with. There is Jodi, another redhead and a truly beautiful girl, Eva Longoria beautiful, but is 10x more beautiful because of the kind of person she is. She is extremely smart, caring and somehow manages to juggle a life that puts everyone before her. The kind of friend you admire. Wendy, another post high school pal, is the kind of friend that you look up to because she is strong and determined. A woman who has high ambitions and goals, two grad degrees and is working on her doctrine. She is always an inspiration to me. And of course, my friend and business partner, Ellie. The girlfriend in your life with all the answers, the one you look up to and yearn to learn from. The one that is 10x smarter than you.

So while Sirius channel Hair Nation brings me back to the good ole days with the girls, I guess I consider myself lucky to able to count the friends in my life on one hand. It appears Mom was right after all. Who would of thought?

Cheers to the girls in our lives that make a difference!

It takes a village to raise a strong-willed girl

I have strategically worked on raising my daughter to be an independent, strong-willed girl that can think for herself. I have taught her it’s okay to voice her opinion and to embrace the way she feels. Over the years from meeting many mothers and daughters, I’ve learned that strong-willed mothers can directly affect whether their daughters will be strong-willed or not. But not until recently did I realize that it also takes the voices of other women to reinforce the message.

My daughter and I were recently being interviewed for an article about what it’s like to be a girl growing up with a strong-willed mother who is also an entrepreneur. I had envisioned the interview flowing smoothly and Tori, my daughter beaming how her mother had encouraged her to speak her mind and grow up thinking she could be anything she wanted. My vision quickly turned in a learning session within minutes.

My daughter, age 10, sat twirling her hair and snickering with the thought of discussing her feelings about me. She squiggled in her seat trying to find her comfort zone. She laughed out loud first and said I was “mean”, then quickly retracted with a glance and smile to me and proceeded with a more serious tone. “My mom encourages me, she’s someone who gets stuff done and is always there for me” she stated. However, as the conversation progressed it became clear that I wasn’t the only strong-willed female influence in her life.

“I wanna be a lawyer when I grow up” Tori said. “My Aunt is an environmental lawyer for the Justice Department; I wanna help the environment like she does. She’s also stands up and fights for what she believes in, even if everyone is against her” she said. My mouth fell to the floor, I didn’t know she even knew what her Aunt did for a living, and none the less saw her as a role model. Tori proceeded further with feelings about her Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Nana and even her 5th grade teachers. “My Great-Grandmother is 77 and does everything on her own, my Grandmother is 73 and runs a horse farm and my Nana is the most caring person that puts everyone before her” she said. “Miss McCurdy and Miss Gallagher, my 5th grade teachers, are definitely strong-willed. They don’t let the boys get away with anything” she said laughing. “They are a lot of fun”.

I was bewildered. Shocked. It was clear, not only does it take a mother to raise a strong-willed girl but an entire village. The women in her life that were standing up and speaking out for their independence where also impacting her, they were reinforcing the message that was coming from home. She was identifying with women in the real world that were strong-willed. Tori was finding her place in society.

The interview closed with over three pages of notes and a young girl obviously impacted by the women in her life. And while the article has yet to come out for the world to read, it has already impacted one mother. Thank you to women that have impacted by daughter and drove the message home for her to be strong-willed.

Cheers to the village of women that are helping raise our girls to be strong-willed.

Tomorrow is the big day!

I write this blog with so much excitement, tomorrow is the release of the new Dixie Chicks CD "Taking the Long Way Home". I already have plans to be at Target first thing to get my copy, the first CD I've bought in a long time, thanks to the world of iTunes. Their local tour date is circled on my calendar, which will be accompanied by my daughter and best girlfriend. With the release only hours away, my memory fades back to the times in my life the Dixie Chicks were a factor. The first song my daughter learned to sing all the words to was "Wide Open Spaces", the song that also helped me with my move to the deep south in 2000. August 3, 1998, two days before my son was born and I had to give up my ticket to see them at the local 4-H fair because I was going to give birth any second. The "Fly" tour where we saw them in Atlanta in 2000 and my best girlfriend flew all the way down to see them with me, also her first time on an airplane. Coming into work late the day of their "Home" CD release. Mentioning Natalie Maines and my personal hero when I was awarded Baltimore Business Journal's Top 40 Under 40 and so much more.

And now with their 4th album release upon us I am so excited to see that they are standing tall and true to their beliefs. Having been called "controversial" and "defiant", I can only hope that they encourage other women to speak up and speak out. And of course not back down.

So Yee-Haw to the Chicks! Go Chicks Go!

Long term effects of being "society's nice"

Working with Go Girl I get the opportunity to meet a lot of really interesting people that like to share their story with me. It's as if they receive some kind of permission to open up about their personal accomplishment of how they've empowered themselves or their search for empowerment. Kinda like someone turned on the light and opened the door to find their voice. Either way I always walk away completely inspired by their story and willingness for the Go Girl story to touch their lives.

This past Sunday was a great example. I met a woman getting ready to turn 50 that was desperately still searching for her voice of confidence. She confessed to me that she felt like a doormat. She was someone that was always nice. Even nice to the people she didn't like, people that were mean to her. She openly discussed how as a child she was raised with a sister and three brothers under a father who was in the military and a mother that cooked, cleaned and kept her mouth shut. Her brothers were sent college and the girls were encouraged to take extra home ec classes in high school. She was taught to never question authority and do as she was told. She should never let anyone see her cry and be "society's nice".

She confessed further that she felt lost. She approached her parents with the idea that she wanted to go to the local community college and they asked "why would you want to do that honey?" With her lack of parental support and gudiance, she struggled for many years. Never felt the urge to have children and lacked direction for her life. She attended self help classes, read many books and yet still felt like a doormat.

I shared with her my career and some of the risks I've taken in life, including once making a decision whether to move to Atlanta or New York by the flip of a quarter (I ended up in Atlanta). She clung to every story and spoke outloud how she wished she could be such a risk-taker. I encouraged her to learn to use the word "NO" to help with the doormat feeling and that sometimes failure can be the best option because you can learn more from failure than you do success (Lord knows I have). By the end of our conversation it was clear to me what the long term effects can be when trying to conform to "society's nice". These women end up confused, misdirected and unconfident of who and what they are to become.

So to all the ladies out there that feel like doormats - stand up, speak out and don't be afraid to fail or have someone not like you. You cannot please everyone in this world and not everyone is going to like you no matter what you do. People that appear mean or bullies are maybe just having a bad day and you are not the reason for their meanness. You count and can make a difference, follow your dreams. To the ladies out there that are strong - encourage others to be strong, offer a smile and lend encouraging words of empowerment to others. Try and talk less and listen more, afterall all we really want is for someone to hear us and validate our ideas.

So to my new friend in Western Maryland - take a risk and flip a quarter. You just might surprise yourself!


Cheers!

Teaching your daughters to be independent

I hear a lot of people always saying that they will wait to talk to their daughter about the world until they're older. That by twelve they'll understand what's going on in and be able to comprehend better. Well I'm here with a reality check for the parents. The best time to start teaching your daughters to be independent is now! Right now. When they are little. Not twelve, six. Teach them to have a voice, express how they feel, pick out there own clothes, have an opinion. And no matter what, never tell them they way they feel is wrong. Let them feel whatever and however they do. Tell them girls are suppose to be smart, not sexy. Tell them they can be anything and go anywhere. That they can be cheerleaders as well as football players. And when they come to you and announce they want to play football, do not discourage them and suggest cheerleading instead. Encourage them to break the mold, stand apart, and speak out.

By the time they are twelve and see an advertisement on TV for the Miss America pageant or an MTV show like "Tiara Girls" perhaps they will exclaim in disbelief that girls can be portrayed that way and will suggest that perhaps America should have a "Miss ambitious" pageant instead.

Moms - talk to your daughters. Empower them NOW.